All my Boys

Posted on by tessellatingmind

|| Act I ||

I’d like to start this piece by making something very very crystal clear. No, this is not a list of all the men I’ve dated or liked etc. I’m not ‘Taylor Swift’, nor do I want to be. This is more on the lines of ‘Avril Lavigne’ really. She truly brings out the punk rock loving girl in me. I love that side of myself, though it may seem odd to some, but it doesn’t matter anymore. I’m finally ready to write this, this piece is so so important for me to move on from what I’ve been lingering on to for so many years.

I’m the best damn thing that your eyes have ever seen

‘The Best Damn Thing’ by Avril Lavigne

All my boys who have now become men. Some I met as boys, some I met as men. But each of them were so important to me at that stage in my life. Rather than screaming it out in empty rooms and to people who have been nothing but patient with me, this I feel is a constructive way of letting out my years of piled up emotions, before I have another break-down and hurt more people so so close to me. This is an apology to all the men in my life I’ve troubled and a thank you for being there for me.

Lately, I’ve been feelin’ so cool (cool) | Top to the bottom, just cool (cool)

Every little thing that I do (do) | Dammit, I feel so cool

‘Cool’ by Jonas Brothers

Since childhood I’ve been closer to boys/men whatever you people want to call yourselves. No, I do not hate women kind. No, I’m not gay. No, I have nothing against the LGBTQ community. But yes, I am who I am. I am messy, I am lazy, I don’t like dressing up. I don’t like children, never have, never will. I don’t want to live a stereotypical life that my parents and generations before them have been forced into. I simply want to break-free. I’m smart you guys! I’m not being conceited or self-absorbed. I am who I am. I process information at a rate that you can’t even imagine. But, and this is the big but, my humility keeps me grounded. Saves me from becoming a super-villain ( highly recommend watch ‘Joker‘ the movie, brilliant piece of cinema.)

I’ve got to break free | God knows, God knows I want to break free

‘I want to break free’ by Queen

But, there are times when I want to be left alone. I love being with myself. I, Me , Myself (there’s a show on Amazon Prime Video). There’s another show called ‘Modern Love‘. It is simply the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. I recommend everyone to watch all the episodes. Also please watch this movie called ‘The sky is Pink‘, the message of the movie is beautiful.

You need to calm down, you’re being too loud

‘You need to calm down’ by Taylor Swift

Coming back to my original thought though, sometimes, just sometimes, I need space. I’m an architect at the end of the day. I love my space, my personal space. It doesn’t mean I’m anti-social or depressed. Some people out there are, and there is nothing wrong in that, please help them in whatever way you see fit. But, I’m not.

You’re on your knees | Begging please

Stay with me | But honestly

I just need to be a little crazy

‘What the hell’ by Avril Lavigne
Somewhere in the streets on Barcelona

|| Act II ||

Let’s start with the overview of the type of boys in school (Mother’s International School – Mother’s blossom for life). I’ll have to scan some really old pictures for that, back when digital photography wasn’t really this common. Also that includes a lot of young ladies too. I’ll dedicate a separate post for all my MIS memories(If I remember to).

I went to another school too (Scottish High International – Highlander??). Yes this school is real. If you’ve watched ‘The sky is Pink‘ they show it, we went there, it’s real (little bad VFX but it’s real).

Take a look at some pictures of my school boys.

Yes, these two idiots.
It’s a little hard to believe that they’ve found such fitting partners for themselves now
This idiot too, my lawyer
(Read my Rajasthan post for more on him)
Shared this mountain of nachos many moons ago with the now ‘Weekend chef’.
Find him on Instagram or physically wait outside his house for some brilliant food. Cats always welcome
When he finally started growing a beard!
Too much teenage shame in one picture
Back in my thin days, when I didn’t shy away from taking pictures, Yes, working towards this again. Ignore the idiot boy
My guitarist. My teacher. My idiot pahadi BFF, with another amazing pahadi right being him.
This is the most beautiful house I have seen in my life (Old Manali)

We were in a band back in school. Ironically though, we play more music now than we did back then. Some songs always remind me of my school boys, no matter where I am.

I’ve become so numb | I can’t feel you there

Become so tired | so much more aware

‘Numb’ by Linkin Park

If I go crazy, then will you still call me Superman?

If I’m alive and well, will you be there and holding my hand?

‘Kryptonite’ by 3 Doors Down

Come to decide that the things that I tried

Were in my life just to get high on

‘Snow (Hey Ho) by Red Hot Chili Peppers

I want to stand with you on a mountain.

I want to bathe with you in the sea.

‘Truly madly deeply’ by Savage Garden

I can’t feel the way I did before | Don’t turn your back on me

I won’t be ignored

‘Faint’ by Linkin Park

They made me sign a contract for life, the naive child that I was. Still holding on to it I’m sure. Idiots! This list can go on forever. Just meet us sometime for a live show.

|| Act III ||

Moving on, city change. A big, big step! I’d never lived away from home. Never done a single thing without parental approval. But ‘Bombay’ was kind, at first. Let’s just leave it at that. I have too many mixed feeling about that city that I’m still working on. Bombay too, deserves its own post someday. Someday, when I finally forgive it I guess. I’m still holding some grudges, that are better hidden, for now..

My boys in Bombay were limited, and some are just nicer in my head. They’ll always be in my head. So I’m going to share a selected photo range for them too. I’ve clicked most of these(apart for the ones I’m in ofcourse).

Like Amaya I’ve taken a series of pictures of this man too. But wait for that. Permission pending
Barcelona? Madrid? Somewhere in Spain
The great unfinished masterpiece of ‘Antoni Gaudi’, ‘Sagrada Familia’
I love the balance and true nature of my friends in this one.
Holi! My absolute favourite festival.
Did the ‘Joker’ make-up for him & the ‘Cruela’ streak for myself
This one visited me quite a bit in Bombay (Thank god for that). Took me to his palace. I swear he could have lived there forever. Introduced me to the amazing land of fantasy. I’ve got so so much to catch up on. I’ll get there, someday
By the musician above. We tried very hard to create music over texts and audio notes.
How can I forget my glitter queen !
This bunch also I’ve clicked a lot! You can follow me on Instagram for them
You may recognize this boy from my ‘Rajasthan’ post. Waiting to see him make some movies soon.
A little road trip we took around the coast of Maharastra. That sleeping boy I’d also like to call a friend.
He might not be ok with a public post (I’ll deal with him later). But you have no idea how important this man has been for me. My philosopher, motivator & voice of reason.
Not a boy but this man, my thesis mentor. The nicest man I’ve ever met. Hope to be able to work with him some day.

There are too many memories over five long, emotion filled years. I don’t really know how many I want to remember also anymore. So this is all for now, from my college boys.

|| Act IV ||

Family, however they might be, have also been my anchors. I lived in my mother’s ancestral home throughout my architecture course. A 50 plus year old property in Bombay (Imagine a bungalow in Bombay!), now renovated. Though we all still remember the old plan and call all the rooms with the names we used to as kids. I coincidentally lived in my mother’s old room, truly lived her youth in a different era.

A little mention of all my cousins in Bombay along with their amazing wives, who got me through the day at times.

Yes, my favourite bother. I don’t care how many hearts I break by saying this. If I have the confidence to live like a true Bombayite, he’s the reason why.
No one gets me like he does.
My fellow architect brother. I feel you bro, I totally feel you.
Escaping responsibilities in her pillow fort. Yes, I put them around her.
OMG! This girl! The best cook ever, even better at being the joke. Her jokes have improved over the years though.
Oh how could I forget this one on the extreme right. We never end up living in the same city. Maintaining the balance we call it. Only run into each other at weddings. Who’s getting married next man!
A Sunday afternoon in Bhandup
Our hide-out on a pooja day
The year I couldn’t go back home for Diwali.

|| Act V ||

But family began right from childhood at home too. So this last and final act is to thank the men back home. Starting from my late grandfather all the way to my little cousin ( he’s not so little anymore).

This is the image of him I would like to remember forever. Don’t grow up man, you’re making me feel too old.
Winter = Kava time = Chachu (Uncle)
Quality time with father is always browsing for tech, buying nothing, accompanied by a glass of beer (with a phone-call to my sister), some useless drunk shopping, then going home to our laptops and ordering what we actually came for online.
The two most important men in my life. (Yes, my dog counts as one). Them at peace always makes me the happiest.
My permanent dream. I think it’s my family’s too. My grandparent’s at their happiest. Around blossomed landscaping
My childhood home. Where it all began. Hope to make something even remotely close to this for my family.
My last birthday celebration with my grandfather.
The first and last family portrait we ever took.

A tribute to all the important men in my life. I may have forgotten some here and there but my memory isn’t what it used to be anymore.

Life goes on.. people change.. situations change.. priorities change too..

Still, and I can’t stress on this enough. I always know exactly what I want. So please, the next time you have a conversation with me, just believe me.

Published by tessellatingmind

Architect || Designer || Photographer || Passionate Vocalist || Amateur Painter || Storyteller || Love a healthy debate about pretty much anything || Constantly Learning || Searching for meaning ..